me & the devil

over the past two days i have been having an unusual amount of #rape flashbacks/sensory memories/general unpleasantness. this is the worst it’s been in literal years, and i have NO idea what started it whatsoever, its just kind of…here and incredibly difficult to handle lmao


"asexuals can and often do enjoy sex, attraction and libido are different!" yea that’s nice, but let’s not ignore the fact that the majority of aces ARE sex-aversive. like can we pls not make the ace community as sex normative as literally every other single fucking community out there. can we please.


*opens inspect element on a webpage* Ive accessed the mainframe

also: following more psychotic people has made my dash feel a lot better lately. maybe one day i will feel more open with talking about my own psychosis but ehhhhhh, maybe.


like, fuck my obsessive thoughts/phobias though? i buy pregnancy tests way too often and worry my ass off even though i’m on birth control and on top of that most likely infertile due to other hormone fuckery/issues with my ovaries

there’s never a day where i don’t panic about it for at least a minute and sometimes it’s much, much worse and then there’s even days where a negative test doesn’t do anything to stop it

i am so scared of/disgusted by the concept htat i can’t get it out of my head. it’s not even the thought of rearing a child, though that’s a factor, i definitely don’t want kids

but it’s the thought of the…actual physical changes

basically if i ever found out i Was i would probably hurt myself pretty badly out of sheer panic and revulsion w/my body

considering asking around for a tarot-for-art trade again, needing an updated icon to go with, well, updated spiritual/kin stuff

oh, cool thing, i almost threw up at work (#emetephobia) not because of being ill like usual or anything but because on my last break dr phil was playing a god damned “mom who tried to kill herself and her autistic daughter” (#ableism #murder #suicide) segment with so much bullshit and i actually got verbally angry and luckily my other coworker in the break room agreed it was Shit and let me turn it off

hhhngh. i will become powerful and eat ppl like that


i need ferguson to go down in history books. i need school children in the year 2074 to learn about michael brown being shot on august 9th, 2014 by officer darren wilson. i need this to spark a movement. this can not lose the focus of society a mere month after it happened. 

my life consists of playing video games and communicating very poorly with living things that don’t meow or brux